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@rondetto Said

When I was younger, I said to my dad: "Can I use the lawnmower to make some extra money?"
"Sure son, you go ahead".
So I sold it!

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A guy lives with his wife in the same little town where they both grew up.
He has a job in the same town, and occasionally, on his walk home from work, he goes into the bookstore and sneaks a look at “The Joy of Sex” to find a new position to try with his wife.
So one evening he arrives home and tells his wife, “I’ve got a new one for us.”
“What is it?” she says.
“Well, it’s called the Wheelbarrow. Remember when we were kids and you would walk on your hands while I walked behind, holding your legs up? It’s like that.”
She says, “I’ll do it, on two conditions. One, if I start to feel uncomfortable at all, we stop.”
“Of course, sweetheart. And what else?”
“We don’t go past my mum’s house.”

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The only time i ever get asked for sex these days is on application forms.

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A really ugly fat bird came smiling up to me in a nightclub, put her hand on my groin and said, "Have a guess what I want in my mouth tonight?"
"I...I...I don't know?" I stuttered.
"I'll give you a clue," she laughed, "It has four letters and begins with 'C'"
"Oh, that's easy," I said, looking her up and down, "Cake."

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I don't see why we should have to pay to go on the bus when the Drivers already going that way anyway!

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Darth vader had a corrupt brother called... (drumroll...) taxi vader.

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Yorkshireman goes in to a chemist in Barnsley. "Now lad, as thee got sum *** cream? Chemist says "Next door, e does a lovly strawbry softie"

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A man is sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby. The baby wont take it so she says, ''Come on, eat it all up or I'll feed it to this nice man''. Ten minutes later the baby still wont breastfeed, so the woman again says, ''Come on darling, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man!'' To which the man said, ''Listen lady, could you please make your mind up, I should have got off 4 stops ago''

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I bought my wife a bag and a belt for her birthday. The Hoover works perfectly now.

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