 Xavery
More Pics
Certifiable BOT
Big City, Canada
Joined: Mar 2009 |
| |
Grasshopper
Just me.
|  Too much...
March 31, 2014 @ 01:54:39 am| 0 |  |
| |
| I can't handle feeling this way anymore. I feel isolated from everybody else, because I just don't understand them and I'm so sensitive. Like for example, deep down I know they're joking with me, but I still can't help but take it personally. And I'm afraid to tell people that I don't find it funny, because I'm afraid people will say "Oh take a f***ing joke! Stop being a baby!"
And I feel I'll never be good enough at any job I do, as there's always something I forget. Today I randomly broke down crying while cleaning a bathroom because I just knew I wouldn't do it right.
I don't think I should work around people at all. I just want to be happy in life.
And people are like "Well that's life, get used to it"
Maybe I don't want to live anymore. I am so tired of being depressed and different. I'll never be truly understood.4 comments | Reply |
Grasshopper
Just me.
| Kind of a confession (Possibly TMI)
February 21, 2014 @ 02:09:12 am| 1 | |
| |
| In the past, I've said crappy things and was being judgmental. Many times I've spoke against LGBT rights, because I guess somewhere it says it's morally wrong. I've never read the bible and never will, as I'm stubborn. I guess I just wanted to listen to my parents (Who are firmly against it, and dad enough where he will scream bloody murder about them for no reason. Seriously, he HATES them.) Mom would tell me that having too many posters of female celebrities on my walls would make people think I was a lesbian. So I took most of them down.
I once told her that I love the smell of a man's cologne, and she said that makes me sound like a whore.. So apparently, Sex was bad and something to ashamed of. A classmate in the third grade caught me drawing a nude woman on my paper, and she laughed to her friends about it.
At six years old I asked dad what sex was. He replied with "It's when a guy sticks his d*** up your pee hole!"
I've always felt so different than other girls in my school. I'd have crushes and fantasies on other girls. I didn't start thinking about guys like that until high school. When talking face to face with another female in person, I'd always picture myself having sex with them. Disgusted with myself, I'd desperately switch the subject in my head.
I felt like such a sicko for a long time.
Now that I've lived away from my parents, I've been thinking hard about what my OWN opinions are about those subjects. And recently I've became good friends with a person who is bisexual, and an amazing person.
And so I've really started to realize it's not a bad thing at all. Maybe it's possible that I'm not a "sicko", and am indeed normal. Maybe I too am bisexual.
I'm not comfortable with physical relationships, but I think the same about girls as I do with men.
As for Marijuana... I used to be set against that as well, and was judgmental about that...until I discovered that at least half of my coworkers who are completely normal smoke it on a regular basis. But to be honest, the stuff stinks like piss, so I still won't smoke that s***. lol!
I still get confused on what I really think about things. I'm still getting used to it. But please understand that I don't hate LGBT and never have. I just thought of my family as being the only right people.
I apologize if I'm not making sense, it's been a long week and explaining myself to other people isn't easy for me. Things tend to come across wrong.
10 comments | Reply |
Grasshopper
Just me.
| Maybe I'm meant to be by myself. (girlie lovey talk)
February 06, 2014 @ 07:00:10 am| 1 | |
| |
| | I've never felt comfortable being in a relationship. I've never wanted to kiss a guy, and I'm 22. Although I do get lonely sometimes. Guys that wanted to be with me dumped me after like a week, and every guy I've really liked never liked me back. Maybe I'm just too different, and I don't see myself ever changing. Maybe I'm just meant to live alone, like live my own life. Maybe I'm just not compatible with living with people. 4 comments | Reply |
Grasshopper
Just me.
| How embarassing...
January 21, 2014 @ 08:46:41 pm| 1 | |
| |
| | I cleaned my house last night, and cleaned up about four 30 gallon trash bags worth of trash. Is Pauling a pack rat? Is the pope Catholic? Reply |
Pages: Prev | Next |
